We've been decorating our nest. getting ready for All Hallow's Eve. We have a gigantic spider web and spider on our front porch that all of the neighborhood kids have taken a liking too. It's so fun to decorate now that Matilda really appreciates each holiday. Makes things that much more fun!
The fall garden mums are blooming and I'm trying to take a moment here and there to appreciate each little gift that the season is bringing. This week wasn't easy. I've been feeling overwhelmed with anxiety + lack of sleeping. It's been a lovely cocktail of bad moods and frustration. I want to write it down so that I can look back on it and see that things worked out (fingers crossed). I ended up switching to a midwife practice at 35 weeks. After some serious soul searching I felt like it was a better fit. I have a meeting with a doula on sunday and I've been reading about different methods for managing labor. I'm not going to beat myself up if things don't go as planned, but because this will most likely be my last birth, I want to really experience all that I can and to not have any regrets.
I had some really tough moments with my girl this week. One particularly hard day began with the whiniest trip to the grocery store, which left me flustered in the parking lot. I ended up locking her along with my purse and phone in the car with the groceries. Thankfully it wasn't hot and she was so calm in the car. I had to call the Fire Dept to help me and the guy that came was a total youknowwhat. He wouldn't even look at me and told me that he would probably damage my car (he didn't). I tried to lighten the mood saying, "Well, at least I'm not in labor" and his response was, "We could actually handle that easier." Oh, ok. What followed was one of THE top ten meltdowns that Matilda has had: screaming, hitting, screaming. She said some really hurtful things to me and I felt like hanging up my hat and walking away from this whole motherhood thing. Ha. My mom swooped in after a desperate phone call, gave Matilda a bath, took her for a walk, played with her. Just those moments to myself were refreshing. Then Sam came home and I got to witness a really beautiful parenting moment between him and Matilda. Together, they made that sweet bracelet above while he talked to her gently about her behavior. He handled everything with such care and wisdom.
The last few days have been much more gentle and less frazzled. I've been very focused on preparing for giving birth and trying to keep on top of housework. It's been a bit draining, but I'm looking forward to the weekend. I have so much to be thankful for and I cannot wait to spend some time with my girl friends. That's been an element that I've been pretty desperate for these days and I'm so grateful to have friends that love me and check on me and send me encouragement. I don't know what I would do without them! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Thank you for reading if you made it this far and for dealing with my serious lack of blog energy.
