MOTHERING

Sometimes I have these epiphanies... "Holy smokes. I'm a mom." Times two. Each day I thank my lucky stars. Since I can remember I've wanted to be a mama. I used to spend countless hours thinking of girls' names. Never boy names. Funny, huh? I've always seen myself with girls and as much as I thought it would be fun to have a boy, I just could never picture it. We have officially welcomed Phoebe into our lives and cannot picture our family without her anymore. I love those chubby cheeks and thighs and sweet grins. We are all completely smitten. People ask me all the time how Matilda is doing with her and she loves her so, so much. Sometimes she can get a little over-excited and squeeze her a little too hard but Bee never seems to mind. From time to time when I'm cooing at my youngest and telling her how much I love her, Matilda will ask, "Do you love me too?" Heart. Tight. "I love you to the moon and back." Matilda will ask, "Infinity times infinity?" "Yes, my darling. Times infinity. You're my heart."


At night time I've been doing formula. Hoping. Hoping that it will help Phoebe sleep longer. For the last couple of weeks baby girl has been waking up. At 3, 2:34, 4:14, 5:01. Who's keeping track? Anyways, Matilda loves giving her the nightime bottle. The first time I saw it my eyes welled up. I saw Matilda putting into practice what she had seen me do. She kissed Phoebe's head and told her she loved her. Talked to her in a gentle and calming voice. Held her hand. It's almost more than I can bare. The sweetness. Sometimes being a mama is hard. It can be tiring and draining and it makes you realize that you don't come first anymore. I often have that feeling when my bladder is throbbing because I've got to keep the girls safe or feed Phoebe. However, it can be the most inspiring and gratifying job in the whole wide world. All I have to do is put on a dress to hear Matilda say, "You look faboolous." I get the biggest smiles from Phoebe when she wakes up from her afternoon nap. I get to teach them the things that I think are important and watch them put them into action. Matilda is so kind and loving. I'm so lucky. I have so much to learn and often they are teaching me the most important lessons. So thankful. Wishing you all a very special mother's day. I'm so thankful for my mom who I appreciate more every day. Love you Mama.

that beautiful blanket (or kantha) is made by women in bangladesh.
find out more about this amazing project at hand & cloth.

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