The Pursuit

My blog feels a little mysterious and schizophrenic this week. Sorry about that. I'm just sorting through a bunch of things and thought you might sort along with me? I think for the past few months different seeds have been planted in my heart and I'm feeling convicted in different areas and trying to make sense of them. We are headed out of town and I'm looking forward to clearing my head a bit.

For the last few years I've been chasing things that have left me feeling pretty inadequate and unsatisfied. Maybe what I had in mind for success isn't what God did? Maybe what I need to look for success in right now is raising my girls? There are so many things that have been catching my eye and making me feel insufficient lately and guess what that's because I am insufficient. I've been striving for recognition of some sort, of feeling validated, worth knowing. The result has been anxiety, a pit in my stomach, frustration. I haven't felt much joy at all. I've searched for purpose and been filled with doubt (needed this).

I built walls up in my heart for protection. After a lengthy season of death I've been living in fear that something would happen to Sam, the girls. I was talking to a friend the other day about our circles being too expanded sometimes online. I see things daily that just wreck me. Our reach is beyond our means. We can't take on the worries and heartache of every soul we encounter online. I don't think we were designed like that. God gives us a circle of people that we are supposed to support and love on and that alone can be overwhelming, let alone adding sometimes thousands of people to our net. It can all just be too much.

All this to say, God has been softening my heart, pushing through the fear, opening my eyes. For the first time in what feels like years, I have actually been pursuing my creator, not running from Him. I just want to take a minute to encourage any of you who feel like I was (am still sometimes) feeling, that we were created for more than just a paycheck or for "followers" or whatever success looks like to you, that maybe our purpose in this season are the people around us. Let us shake loose a self focus that is destructive.

β€œDo not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

photos recently posted here

twitter/ facebook/ pinterest/ instagram/ bloglovin'