Nothing To Prove
The other day I had a paper bag moment, like full on panic attack where my sweet friend walked me through breathing in and out. Filling up my lungs with truth, breathing out the pent up torturous thoughts of someone trying to be everything to everyone. Something stupid triggered it but what was underlying were big, soul crushing things. A million pounds of pressure. Some self induced, okay a lot. She prayed for me and offered to bring me grilled chicken nuggets (the best kind of friend!) and I cried a lot and felt truly grateful for friendship and I came home from the gym to this book.
Funny how God works isn't it? I had pre-ordered this before Christmas I think and here it was, just a humble box from Amazon greeting me on my door step when I got home. The constant theme for me over the past few months has been a dying to self. The message: you aren't enough, stop trying to be. Jennie talks about the weight of leadership, motherhood, humanity and how we search so hard for comfort in a million ways over being with God. Over dry/Whole30 January I realized how uncomfortable I am with not being able to comfort myself, to self medicate. My prescriptions are typically food... and wine. Both good things but not a replacement for dealing with soul + heart issues and for prayer and laying it all down. Maybe it's shopping or piling up a project list for an unending desire to make things perfect. All of these things have left me feeling dried up, void of joy, dead.
Reading that someone else has had similar struggles brings me deep comfort. It's a balm to the soul and Jennie does an incredible job of just laying it all out there like a friend, inviting you to spend time walking through the feels with her. The message resounding and freeing that you aren't enough but God is. A simple truth to be able to say, "not perfect, total screw up" but God is bigger, nothing is better than Jesus and truly living a life like you believe that will free you from the bondage of living enslaved to perfection, people pleasing, comfort that only adds love handles and all of the other things that we think will make us better, more likable, happier. Join me in breaking free together. I've also been meditating on this verse because so many things that tie me up are in expectations and disappointments in myself and others, thought it may help you too:
Another book that I cannot recommend enough is Present Over Perfect, a beautiful freeing message of letting go of striving and trying to prove ourselves as being important. So, soooo good.
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